yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
