I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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