dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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