It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
