I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
