so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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