In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
