My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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