people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
