Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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