k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
