dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
