You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
