I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
