i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
