I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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