I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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