That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
