his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
