Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
