508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
