What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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