He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
