The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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