i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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