We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
