my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
