update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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