So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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