i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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