oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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