The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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