You made me cry and you don't even care
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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