so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize