Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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