What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
