You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
