Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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