I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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