in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
