I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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