your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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