I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
