Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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