I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
