It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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