I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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