This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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