Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
