No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
