i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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