Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
