i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
