im drinking this country out of the recession.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
