Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
