Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
