I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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