real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
