It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
