i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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