I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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