We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
