Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
