My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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