I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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