Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had to cum in my sink.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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