Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need moral support for this bender
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
