I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
