Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
