pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
