I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
