I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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