oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
